Saturday, December 29, 2012

My Tennis New-Year's Wishes

Nole: 1. Stop giving me these, please! 

2. Give me more of this! 

3. Do this after every win! 

Federer: 1. Stop stealing other people's seats! 

2. Give someone a real compliment and not your trade-mark, the back-handed
    one, and that someone can't be yourself, sorry ;) 

3 Stop being a sore loser!

4. Please, if you can, retire at the end of the year! It's time, don't you think?

PseusoFed: Since we all know that the real Fed won't listen to me and do as I ask, you'll never run out of material so keep doing your great job and make us, non-Fedfans lol, please! :)

Murray: 1. Stop screaming this...

and doing this...

 after every point you lose, pleaaaaaaaaaase!

2. You finally won a GS so please don't cry the next time you lose in a GS final, ok? :)

3. Don't try to smash your racquet again, you're no good at it, sorry! ;)

4. Don't wear those banana pants EVER again!!!

Nadal: 1. Come back cause we all miss you, not just your fans, and we need you to scare Fed and make him cry ;)

Toni Nadal: 

Chris Bradman, Nick Lester, Simon reed, patrick Mouratoglou, Sam gore, Doug Adler and other Nolehaters: I wish you'd just shut up and go worship Fed/Murray somewhere else but I know you won't do it so...

Peter Bodo: No more articles with these, please! 

Mats Wilander: Decide who is your favourite/ GOAT already and stopping changing your mind every 5 seconds!

Eurosport's commentators: Stop talking about Federer and Murray when they're not playing, OK? We get Fed's the GOAT and every great shot is Federer-like and Murray's finally won a GS so you can shut it now, pleaaaaaaaaase! 

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Xmas Special - The top 10 Xams wishes

Because it's Xams I thought I'd ask the top 10 what they wish for themselves for Xams. Here's what they had to say:

1. Novak Djokovic: I decided to learn from my friend Roger or as he likes to be called, "The Humble GOAT", and be humble too so all I wish for Xmas is to win the CYGS (Calendar Year Grand Slam). But if that's not humble enough for you than I guess winning RG by beating Rafa on the way + only 2 more slams won't be that bad either ;) Oh, and to win DC with Janko, Vik and Nenad, for Serbia :) If we win we can all dye our hair this time; blue, red and white like our flag :) Or maybe something more crazy...Anybody got a suggestion? :)

2. Roger Federer: I'm "The Humble GOAT" so I only wish to win two slams this year, be no. 1 for at least another 40 weeks, and be ranked no. 1 for the WTF so I won't have to steal anyone's chair again ;) But I won't object to more and if luck has it that Novak, Rafa, Murray and other players who like to beat me at finals like Bedych and Tsonga are all attacked by a mysterious virus and can't play all year I would happily win all 4 so I can say to my buddy Rod (Laver), "Hey, we're CYGS buddies now too!". Oh, and for everyone to call me the GOAT instead of Federer, including the chair-empires.

3. Rafael Nadal: I'm "The Humble Bull" and I don't like Roger trying to copy me and calling himself "The Humble GOAT" cause we all know he's humble my a**. Anyway, back to me and my humble wishes - I'm superstitious so I can't wish for anything cause they than it won't come true. Wait, I'll call Uncle Toni and he will tell you what he wishes for us for the new year...Toni Nadal: I already said it before but I'll repeat, I think poor Rafa suffered form injuries too much and it's not fair so I think it's Novak and Roger time to have a little vacation so my Rafa can win some slams, we're 6 behind Roger and we don't have much time left to catch up. I also liked what Roger said about the mysterious virus - just replace Rafa in Roger and Berdeych in Rosol and it's perfect. Oh, I almost forgot, in case the injury and virus wishes don't come true and my Rafa meets Novak in the final and starts losing, I wish for rain ;)

4. Andy Murray: I want to be no. 1, win Wimbledon and wouldn't mind to win AO too and defend my US Open. So I wish for two things only, for a strong wind in all my GS matches against Novak, Roger, Rafa and  Berdych and I wish for them to be really tired - Let's face it, that's the only way I'm going to win another slam again and avoid being called "A One Slam Wonder".

5. David Ferrer: I was really happy in Paris this year because I didn't have to face any of the selfish guys who keeps beating me, a.k.a the top 4, so I wish for that scenario to repeat itself in a slam so I can finally win one and not end up as "The Best Player To Never Win A Slam". Oh, and for Roger to let me beat him finally, it's getting embracing :( No one beats David Ferrer 15 times! And also, would be nice to beat Rafa on clay finally so if you're reading this, buddy, pleeeeease let me win one! :)

6. Tomas Berdych: I wish to stop choking against Novak and Rafa all the time and for no wind whenever I play Andy, I would have beaten him in this year's US Open if it wasn't for the damn wind, I asked to stop playing but the organizers laughed at me - "Who do you think you are, Roger Federer?". I really wanted to cry or curse but I didn't, these stuff are more Andy's style ;)

7. Juan Martin Del Potro: Like my friend Andy, I don't want to be called "A One Slam Wonder" anymore so I wish to win another slam this year. I know it will be diffuclt because the top 4 are so good but maybe if I'm nice to them they will let me win once in a while in slams; I love them but they need to be more generous! Me and the other guys talk about it all the time in our monthly "How To Beat The Top 4" meeting. Berdych and Rosol's lectures this year were really good but we're still waiting for one of us to finally  beat Nole cause we need some tips. And in this opportunity I'd like to thank this month's guest lecturer, Kristy Eldredge, for trying to help us understand How To Beat Djokovic

8. Jo Wilfried Tsonga: I also wish to stop choking against Novak, like Tomas, but I don't think even God could help me with this so I guess I'd settle for stop losing my head in slams in early rounds to players like Nishikori Kilzan. Oh, and I want Monfils to teach me his Ninja-jump he does cause it's super cool! :)

9. Janko Tipsarevic: I want to win the DC with my friends: Nole, Vik, and Nenad. If we win than maybe instead of shaving our hair we can do something else like get a tattoo, I've been dying to get a new one that's says "Male tennis players deserve more money than female players in slams!" and I think Nole should have one that's say "Thanks for letting me win, you're such a good friend" :)

10. Gasquet Richard: OMG, I'm in the top 10??? How did that happen??? So happy!!! :))) What's my wish for the new year, you ask? To stay in the top 10! ;)

P.S. Sorry it wasn't funny like I promised, I was feeling sarcastic today ;) But I'll do another post in a few days about my new-year wishes from these players and other people in the tennis world and I hope that one will be funnier :)