Saturday, December 29, 2012

My Tennis New-Year's Wishes




Nole: 1. Stop giving me these, please! 

         
2. Give me more of this! 

        
         
3. Do this after every win! 



Federer: 1. Stop stealing other people's seats! 


2. Give someone a real compliment and not your trade-mark, the back-handed
    one, and that someone can't be yourself, sorry ;) 

3 Stop being a sore loser!




4. Please, if you can, retire at the end of the year! It's time, don't you think?



  
     
                                                         
PseusoFed: Since we all know that the real Fed won't listen to me and do as I ask, you'll never run out of material so keep doing your great job and make us, non-Fedfans lol, please! :)


Murray: 1. Stop screaming this...


and doing this...


 after every point you lose, pleaaaaaaaaaase!


2. You finally won a GS so please don't cry the next time you lose in a GS final, ok? :)


3. Don't try to smash your racquet again, you're no good at it, sorry! ;)



4. Don't wear those banana pants EVER again!!!




Nadal: 1. Come back cause we all miss you, not just your fans, and we need you to scare Fed and make him cry ;)
 


Toni Nadal: 



Chris Bradman, Nick Lester, Simon reed, patrick Mouratoglou, Sam gore, Doug Adler and other Nolehaters: I wish you'd just shut up and go worship Fed/Murray somewhere else but I know you won't do it so...





Peter Bodo: No more articles with these, please! 
 




Mats Wilander: Decide who is your favourite/ GOAT already and stopping changing your mind every 5 seconds!




Eurosport's commentators: Stop talking about Federer and Murray when they're not playing, OK? We get Fed's the GOAT and every great shot is Federer-like and Murray's finally won a GS so you can shut it now, pleaaaaaaaaase! 


Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Xmas Special - The top 10 Xams wishes


Because it's Xams I thought I'd ask the top 10 what they wish for themselves for Xams. Here's what they had to say:

1. Novak Djokovic: I decided to learn from my friend Roger or as he likes to be called, "The Humble GOAT", and be humble too so all I wish for Xmas is to win the CYGS (Calendar Year Grand Slam). But if that's not humble enough for you than I guess winning RG by beating Rafa on the way + only 2 more slams won't be that bad either ;) Oh, and to win DC with Janko, Vik and Nenad, for Serbia :) If we win we can all dye our hair this time; blue, red and white like our flag :) Or maybe something more crazy...Anybody got a suggestion? :)

2. Roger Federer: I'm "The Humble GOAT" so I only wish to win two slams this year, be no. 1 for at least another 40 weeks, and be ranked no. 1 for the WTF so I won't have to steal anyone's chair again ;) But I won't object to more and if luck has it that Novak, Rafa, Murray and other players who like to beat me at finals like Bedych and Tsonga are all attacked by a mysterious virus and can't play all year I would happily win all 4 so I can say to my buddy Rod (Laver), "Hey, we're CYGS buddies now too!". Oh, and for everyone to call me the GOAT instead of Federer, including the chair-empires.

3. Rafael Nadal: I'm "The Humble Bull" and I don't like Roger trying to copy me and calling himself "The Humble GOAT" cause we all know he's humble my a**. Anyway, back to me and my humble wishes - I'm superstitious so I can't wish for anything cause they than it won't come true. Wait, I'll call Uncle Toni and he will tell you what he wishes for us for the new year...Toni Nadal: I already said it before but I'll repeat, I think poor Rafa suffered form injuries too much and it's not fair so I think it's Novak and Roger time to have a little vacation so my Rafa can win some slams, we're 6 behind Roger and we don't have much time left to catch up. I also liked what Roger said about the mysterious virus - just replace Rafa in Roger and Berdeych in Rosol and it's perfect. Oh, I almost forgot, in case the injury and virus wishes don't come true and my Rafa meets Novak in the final and starts losing, I wish for rain ;)

4. Andy Murray: I want to be no. 1, win Wimbledon and wouldn't mind to win AO too and defend my US Open. So I wish for two things only, for a strong wind in all my GS matches against Novak, Roger, Rafa and  Berdych and I wish for them to be really tired - Let's face it, that's the only way I'm going to win another slam again and avoid being called "A One Slam Wonder".

5. David Ferrer: I was really happy in Paris this year because I didn't have to face any of the selfish guys who keeps beating me, a.k.a the top 4, so I wish for that scenario to repeat itself in a slam so I can finally win one and not end up as "The Best Player To Never Win A Slam". Oh, and for Roger to let me beat him finally, it's getting embracing :( No one beats David Ferrer 15 times! And also, would be nice to beat Rafa on clay finally so if you're reading this, buddy, pleeeeease let me win one! :)

6. Tomas Berdych: I wish to stop choking against Novak and Rafa all the time and for no wind whenever I play Andy, I would have beaten him in this year's US Open if it wasn't for the damn wind, I asked to stop playing but the organizers laughed at me - "Who do you think you are, Roger Federer?". I really wanted to cry or curse but I didn't, these stuff are more Andy's style ;)

7. Juan Martin Del Potro: Like my friend Andy, I don't want to be called "A One Slam Wonder" anymore so I wish to win another slam this year. I know it will be diffuclt because the top 4 are so good but maybe if I'm nice to them they will let me win once in a while in slams; I love them but they need to be more generous! Me and the other guys talk about it all the time in our monthly "How To Beat The Top 4" meeting. Berdych and Rosol's lectures this year were really good but we're still waiting for one of us to finally  beat Nole cause we need some tips. And in this opportunity I'd like to thank this month's guest lecturer, Kristy Eldredge, for trying to help us understand How To Beat Djokovic

8. Jo Wilfried Tsonga: I also wish to stop choking against Novak, like Tomas, but I don't think even God could help me with this so I guess I'd settle for stop losing my head in slams in early rounds to players like Nishikori Kilzan. Oh, and I want Monfils to teach me his Ninja-jump he does cause it's super cool! :)

9. Janko Tipsarevic: I want to win the DC with my friends: Nole, Vik, and Nenad. If we win than maybe instead of shaving our hair we can do something else like get a tattoo, I've been dying to get a new one that's says "Male tennis players deserve more money than female players in slams!" and I think Nole should have one that's say "Thanks for letting me win, you're such a good friend" :)

10. Gasquet Richard: OMG, I'm in the top 10??? How did that happen??? So happy!!! :))) What's my wish for the new year, you ask? To stay in the top 10! ;)





P.S. Sorry it wasn't funny like I promised, I was feeling sarcastic today ;) But I'll do another post in a few days about my new-year wishes from these players and other people in the tennis world and I hope that one will be funnier :)

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Janet's Fantasy Wimbledon 2012

Today I want to share with you my friend Janet fantasies regarding the upcoming Wimbledon tournament. Here's what she writes:
Well this wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. The difficulty was between having my hated ones out in the first round, or having them destroyed by my favourites in latter rounds..
Anyway, here is what I came up with.

Day   1

Defending champion Novak Djokovic gets off to a fantastic start with a 6-0 6-0 6-0 win over the unseeded Italian, Fabio Fognini.


Day 10
Women’s semi finals
SF 1 was due to be played between Ana Ivanovic and Maria Sharapova. However, Ivanovic won through a walkover, as Sharapova failed to appear for the match.  This cannot be confirmed, but rumours suggest she was attending a fashion show as the key attraction, and simply forgot she was due to play in the Wimbledon SF

SF 2 V. Azarenka d. S Williams 6-4, 6-2  Williams was never really in this match mentally or physically. She was no match for Azarenka’s superb winners, and too pften displayed what has become all too familiar, aggression, disputing several points with the Umpire. Throughout this she forfeited a total of 10 points, as deducted by the umpire for her violations. 

Day 11
First Men’s Semi Final. Result Novak Djokovic d. R. Federer 6-2 6-1 6-0
This was a very exciting semi final, for many reasons. First of all, those who thought Novak couldn’t possibly play any better than we have seen him play here the last 10 days were wrong! We saw Novak play one of the best matches of his life, surpassing anything we saw from him in 2011, taking out the 6 times champion in straight sets. 
A record was set here – this was the first time in a GS Semi Final, that the losing semi finalist has won no points on his opponent’s serve, throughout the whole match    
We also saw a more unpleasant side of Federer, that has now forever dispelled the belief of some that he is the ultimate Sportsman and gentleman.  After serving his 16th DF, Federer appeared to lose control of his faculties, and furiously ran over to the TV crews and began smashing their cameras with his racket, much to the shock of the crowd.
Federer will be deducted 10000 points by the ATP for unsportsmanlike conduct, and the Police are currently persuing charges of Criminal Damage against him


Day 12

Women’s singles final
This was a very very high quality final with amazing play coming from both women. Something else to be said about this final is that it was played in the best spirit every experienced in a Wimbledon final, with both women displaying very sporting behaviour throughout.
However, it was Ana Ivanovic who triumphed in the end 3-6, 7-5 12-10 in what is described to be the best and most enjoyable Womens GS final of the modern era.

Day 13

Men’s Singles Final. Result Novak Djokovic d. R. Nadal 6-0 6-0 6-0

Anybody who thought that the results of RG, Rome and Monte Carlo were the start of a turn around between Novak and Nadal appear to have been very much mistaken.   If we can say one thing for sure about those results, it is that we did not see the real Novak in these matches. However, it also appears we did not see the real Novak in 2011 either. Today we saw Novak Version 3, and many are already stating THIS is the real Novak, and this is just the beginning of him.
Things did not go Nadal’s way from the start. Despite the very strict dress code of all white enforced by the All England cup, Nadal appeared on court in a bright pink top, with green and yellow spots, with bright blue shorts with red stripes.  He was subsequently ordered by the chair umpire to change, and was immediately fined one game for violation of dress-code.
After that it was downhill all the way for Nadal. There was just no getting past the out of this world serving and winners played by Novak.  And by this point his coach “Uncle Toni” clearly believed Nadal needed help, so risking a lot he began to coach Nadal from the box, by very clearly shouting instructions to him, much to the crowds’ disapproval
Soon the weather changed, the air began to feel damp.  Worried, no doubt,  that this would further impact his performance, Nadal then launched a verbal attack on the umpire shouting that he refused to play in such conditions, and if the umpire did not stop the match immediately he was would walk off the court.
The Umpire dismissed this behaviour, and subsequently fined Nadal another 2 games. After this, Nadal failed to win a single point more, resulting in the only grand slam final where the losing player has failed to take a single game.
The final nail in the coffin for Nadal in this strange final, was that he too has been fined 10000 points by the ATP for unsportsmanlike conduct.  This will result in a world ranking of 513, placing him between Fritz Wolmarans and Evgeny Korolev, whose names are likely to be unfamiliar to even many avid tennis fans.
On a more positive side Novak retained this trophy through sheer outstanding play, and despite the antics on the other side of the net, did not once lose his cool, raise any protests, proving himself and not any of his contemporaries to be the true gentleman and sportsman, not to mention the undisputed King of Wimbledon.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Fantasy Wimbledon 2012


Today I want to share with you my wildest, craziest, fantasies regarding the upcoming Wimbledon tournament (men and women's singles)...I know they'll never come true but a girl can still dream, right? ;) So without further ado, here are the headlines I wish to see during those two weeks...

Day 1

   Day 2
 
Day 3 - Day 11

Who can ask for more after those two dreamy days??? Well, I would like for Aga and Schiavone to lose early but that's no fantasy, it will probably happen for real.

Day 12 - Women's Singles Final Day

  
Day 13 - Men's Singles Final Day



OK, so that was my Fatasy Wimby 2012 :))) Now I want to ask you...

 

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Dealing with Nole's losses - Not an advice colum!

Today I just want to talk about what I realized after the last heartbreaking loss Nole suffered regarding my coping mechanism after tough losses and I'm sure many of you, whether you are avid Nole fans or avid fans of another player, can relate. 

OK, so I've noticed that about 5 minutes after every devastating loss (where I just think poor Nole and feel like crying) I go through the 5 famous stages of grief, a.k.a DABDA and I'll use Monday's lost as an example:

1. Denial - "I'm fine, It's OK".

2. Anger - "Damn you Rafa! Who needs 7 RG???", "Why did they stop the match on Sunday when Nole was on fire and turning that final around? Why didn't continue to play at 8 PM local time if it wasn't raining???, "This is so unfair!!! I hate Rafa and uncle Toni, two cry-babies!!!".

3. Bargaining - "Nole has to win RG next year or the year after that, that will make everything alright", "Nole has to win Wimby/Olympics/USO now and get revenge on Rafa, Rafa can't sweep all these trophies too :(".

4. Depression - "Why is this happening???", "Now, Rafa will win Wimby and USO and take the no. 1 spot from Nole and it will be the worst season EVER :( :( :(", "Nole will never win RG, he lost his chance :( :( :( :(".

 5. Acceptance - "So Nole couldn't win the Nole-Slam, big deal...Fedal couldn't accomplish that feat either", "It just wasn't meant to be", "Nole will win RG one day :)", "Nole's still no. 1 ,a.k.a the best player in the world, and he will be just fine...and revenge will be so damn sweet :))".
 

Saturday, June 9, 2012

A Day in the Life of a Nole Fan - Part 2

Since part 1 was such a success and I really enjoyed letting out all my different emotions out in the process,I've decided to make it a series and add more reactions to new situations...With No1e, every match/tournament is a new story and no minute is boring with him, he's the most thrilling, exciting player EVER!!! :))) Now, let's begin, shall we? :)


16. When a Fed fan writes that No1e and Rafa are the most boring players EVER and their matches are SO boring

17. When someone says No1e didn't deserve to reach the final of RG cause he played so badly throughout the tournament



18. When someone says No1e was just lucky again against Tsonga in the RG QF

19. When No1e's two set down against Seppi in RG

20. When No1e comes back from to two sets down to beat Seppi

21. When No1e's two match points down against Tsonga and then another match point down and another...

22. When No1e wins a crucial TB against Tsonga and you know he will (probably) win after all
 

23. When No1e beats Federer in straight sets in a slam

24. When someone tells you No1e wouldn't even take a set from Rafa in a RG final:

First you think...
Then you feel...
But then you remember the #NoleFam motto...
And you...

25. When you hear a Fed fan say "Since US Open 2011, Roger is still ranked no. 1 despite his bad performance during the clay season:

First you think... So what? Wozniacki was no. 1 in the REAL ranking for a year without a slam so he can be no. 1 for ever as long as he doesn't win another slam...Who cares??? And then you read this and you...


And then you remember that same Fed fan used to criticize Caro for this...

  
26. Every time you see No1e on or off the court

Saturday, June 2, 2012

My Men's Tennis Lists: Part 3 - RG 2012 Top 5 Best and Worst Outfits

First of, you should check out part 1 and part 2 if you missed them. Secondly, I have to say that making these lists was a tough task...choosing the 5 best outfits was hard because I didn't go gaga over any outfit - There are many nice outfits but most of them are just plain and boring and only a couple stand out in my eyes... Picking the 5 worst ones was a piece of cake either cause they were so many bad outfits to choose from and I could easily choose 10-20 eye-sores. And lastly, regarding the worst outfits list, I know some people say most players don't really have too much say about what they wear so it might not be 100% their fault but I don't buy it or care, they all (or the people who make them wear it) deserve a fine as far as I'm concerned for their crimes against fashion ;) Ok, let's begin... 


My Top 5 Worst Outfits


5. Marin Cilic never disappoints...He will always find some eye-sore outfit to wear and he succeeded yet again...What the hell was he thinking wearing this shade of green with those blue stripes??? Well, the good thing is he's out of the tournament so we don't have to see it anymore, lol :)




4. Alexandr Dolgopolov is also known for his atrocious outfits and he out did himself again with this weird bold blue-orange outfit...It looks like someone threw up on it, I swear ;) 



3. Fernando Verdasco is such a hot guy but unfortunately his choice of outfits is anything but hot, just the opposite...What can I say...In this outfit which is another version of the one The Dog is wearing he looks really bad...I hate it, especially those pale-blue shorts...UGH! Adidas really screwed its clients and not for the first time...I don't like their color combinations, to say the least and Andy Murray and Jo-Wilfried Tsonga's outfits aren't much better. 



2. Tommy Haas is another hot guy who disappointed me greatly with his inexcusable demonstration of poor taste and not only once but twice... Sorry, Tommy, there is no redemption for these two grandpa-shirts, you're not 80! LOL




1. Kevin Anderson is ugly enough already so whoever told him to wear this wear that shirt after a pink-bubble-gum exploded all over her should get the death-penalty, lol :) 



P.S. All the guys who appear on this list are out so that means our eyes don't need to suffer the sight of their horrendous outfits...I guess they got their punishment, no? ;)


Now, after you had to look at those awful images it's time to check out some of the nice (or at least not too bad) outfits on the courts of RG...


My Top 5 Worst Outfits
                   
5. Roger Federer - Yes, his grey outfit is boring but after those crazy-colourful outfits a uniform color one is a sight for sore eyes. 




4. Richard Gasquet - I love a red shirt on a man, that's all I can say. 




3. Tomas Berdych - I like a black-blue combo and I think it looks good. 




2. Rafael Nadal - I don't really like pink on men (except on Nando) but it's nice IMO :)



1. Novak Djokovic - The most elegant outfit out there and the only one I genuinely like :))



P.S. All the guys on this list are still with us...Fashion Karma? ;)